The things we (temporarily) leave behind

I've got a little buddha amulet. I wear it around my neck, most days.

Not that I'm a buddhist, except maybe a little bit, or as much as anything else, anyway. More it's a totem I can hold on to, feel it's weight in my hand when there is the need. A reminder to slow down, take another breath. Maybe two or three.

It's a good thing to have around, most days.

It's except on the days when there are no good things to have around.

Goddamn, it's one of those moods again! And there might be a reason for it, and there might not be, and it's stupid, stupid either way and I've got nothing to say and I should say I have nothing to say but then that would mean I have something to say. At least deep down, I know it goes away quicker, whatever stupid reason set me off, and tomorrow will be better and tomorrow was not always better, so it's more of a little peak over the edge more than a long-time descent.

But it's still a day, or two, to ride out. Black, black, black and I'm a fraud and if I said anything at all it's that I'm a fraud and there is no buddha, nothing around my neck reminding me to breath two three four and its just a further proof that its all bullshit anyway and who did I think I was fooling?

But goddamn if the next day the little guy isn't around my neck again and I'm breathing two three four and even talking, talking about that little black hole that gets a little smaller and easier to cross every year.

It's almost like I know, now, that the sun

will come out

.... well, you know. And the things I left behind, if even for a day, they are still there.