Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Love is a many splendored sword

"You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me."

My first reaction on hearing this was absolute amazement and love on my end, that someone would feel that deeply about little ol' me.

Of course, the second reaction was pure fear. Not fear that I wasn't ready to hear those words, or didn't believe them, or didn't feel the same way myself. No, fear that ultimately I will find a way to screw it up.

That's a lot of pressure, being the most amazing thing that has happened to a person who you also happen to be head over heels in love with. My mind immediately flashed to a laundry list of dozens of things I've managed to screw up in my life, my amazing life.

I need to act quick ... let this amazing woman know all, or some, or okay, at least a few things from the past that have notched well below the amazing category.

"You do know that I ...

Have had one car repossessed

Another car that should have been repossessed if anyone knew where I lived at the time

May not have filed my taxes one or two years, but I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations is passed on that one

Had my car towed for failing to pay some kind of ticket

Let maintenance go on my car once until the brakes fell off (you know sweetheart, it may be best we move someplace that has public transportation and keep me away from the whole car thing)

Have been laid off/lost more jobs than I probably care to admit

Will always have a constant, low-level anxiety that I will end up losing  whatever job I have at the moment

Find it easy to avoid problems by avoiding problems

Tend to retreat into my own private cocoon where I do not use words. Or expressions

Once tried to cook an egg in a toaster oven

Constantly think of noble, good things I could be doing only to find my time better suited to drinking beer and watching the Rockford Files

Need to shave my shoulders on a regular basis

Once went to a Phish concert. But promise I didn't enjoy it too much."

And many, many more things that I'm sure I'll remember in the middle of the night, waking up screaming to tell you.

But it's okay. This time I will take the pressure. I will look toward the challenges ahead. And try not to avoid them. Too much. And use my words, even when I want to retreat to my fortress of Rockford solitude. At least most of the time.

And I will try to live up to being amazing. And maybe someday reach your level.


Blogger Leslie Breton said...

Re-read this for the umpteenth time. I adore you

8:24 PM  

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