Friday, March 03, 2006

Smokey and the really slow bandits

You’re driving home on the highway and suddenly, traffic comes to a screeching halt in front of you. You’re thinking there must be a really bad accident, or maybe it’s near Christmas and there’s a traffic tie-up at the exit near the mall.

But no. Instead, everyone has slowed to a crawl because a state trooper has one of your fellow drivers pulled over on the side of the road and we must all slow down so that we don’t get pulled over, too.

Which is really stupid. If ever there was a time to speed on the highway without fear of getting caught, it’s probably when the police are occupied. Do you really think the trooper standing on the side of the road, sidled up to the driverside window of the car he just pulled over is going to suddenly jump in his cruiser and chase you down the highway because you’re doing 67 mph in a 65 mph zone?

“You stay here, Mr. speeding, crack smoking, whiskey drinking, suspected baby seal killing driver, while I chase down these bastards who dare attempt to drive near the speed limit,” the trooper will say.

But there’s little danger of that happening, since the state trooper will be very impressed that no one dares go over 15 mph while he has Mr. speeding, crack smoking, whiskey drinking, suspected baby seal killer pulled over.


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